Some of My Best Photos & Words….

It’s so odd how…

Some of my best pictures have permanent memories  and ‘records’ in my head… of me being taken out of my environment, into another realm of being and doing, transplanted to another part of the earth and helps me see a greater part and the ‘spiritual’  part  of who I am.

I love to travel. It’s no secret. I can just about tell you I was experiencing life on a serious level, in everyone of these pictures and some type of MAJOR growth was happening in that very moment.

Maybe that’s why I love photography and I get so much out of it. It speaks without opening its mouth. Speaks so loudly and profoundly.

But on the inside. In my heart, my mind and my soul.
I am going to be working a photo task this year, and I am excited about it, although I am expecting that it will challenge me, I am a little nervous that it happens all YEAR LONG. So that means I have to be CONSISTENT.  *  (Mind you …. this WAS  – –gonna be my word, then I  chickened out.. so I will keep it on the sideline and refer to it, when I have “fully embraced” life to the umpteenth degree and you can see I am not hiding any longer…)

If you are gonna be consistent, why not then BE: one who EMBRACES consistency, right?

a big HUGE  HA!

Well, the God’s honest truth is… most of these photos were taken  RIGHT here in  Tulsa  Oklahoma.  And just for the record,  I WAS on a JOURNEY…. I  really BIG one, too.  Smile.

I don’t know how you  feel about the  journeys in life that  wind up taking you “further ” than you may have ever imagined…. but  this girl right here… has decided to work on my ONE WORD   for the past three  years and BOY…!  Have I been  stretched!

 2015 was Endure.

2016 was  Conquer.

 2017 … is Embrace.

All three of these words  take me some place.   To stories in my life journey that mesmerize me ;   stretch me a little more,  cause me to  contemplate,  and  show me who I really am.  … And in these past few years , that has been  almost  inevitable.  See,.. though I am now a very strong advocate of  “choosing words”  that honor and  embrace the journey,  I  don’t believe I pick these words. I believe THEY PICK ME.

And so it is… I should have  wrote down how I had it confirmed…. but I literally heard  the word  EMBRACE over w three hour period… at least it seemed that way…. so I said :YES.

I WILL.  and she stayed here.

 So I guess we are  sort of partna’s for the next  360 days!

Amen & Selah.

Oh.. and you can guarantee ‘the pictures’ will follow in   2017 as well…

 

 

 

 

Worthiness.

Am I worthy?

How do I know?

What I base my  worth upon?

I  began to ask myself these  questions about  my worth when  I   was about thirty five.  I  didn’t stop til I washabout 38.

I used to base it upon   what my ex-husband  thought was  good and acceptable.  Even after I left him. And then, what my girlfriends  considered important, or…  my parents. Even as an adult, I based  my worth upon these people in my life.   I would think whatever anyone important to me thought was  important, it was also important to me, as well.

But I was so wrong.  I matured a bit, and found that  my worth is based more upon things that  God  finds worthy.  God gave me gifts , and one of the was the ability to   trust my instincts.  So…lately, it’s been my ability to discern . I had a very  hard time trusting myself, when  I was  under the age of 37.  Then , one day, that all shifted.  and I decided to begin to prioritize myself . I made some decisions with my purpose  and intentions in mind and I began to  ask myself what I wanted.

One of the  most fearful decisions in my life, was to move on. To not be in relationship with someone, who I truly cared for .  The only issues I had with this, was that I had to decide  how to  love myself more than I loved him.  I realized once I  loved myself fully,  ( I came to this revelation much later and longer after I had left him), that  loving  me felt really good, and  relationships could not dictate my worth. I would not  and could not control  how someone accepts me; and I actually had to grieve this relationship, even if I was not ready for it to end .  The other relationship… Was similar … I didn’t expect that one to end either , but I was confident it was time to end . I wasn’t grateful for these relationships to come to an end, yet they were purposed to do so.

I was so afraid to make a mistake when I decided  something, I thought if I did, my whole life would disintegrate.  I didn’t trust my own thinking.  And so I began to look at the source of that, to determine where I lost the ability to think for me. I realized my fear– “frozen fear”  discounted my worth. That I could not make decisions for myself unless I  first realized I was worthy of those  decisions.     And that  confident place of  worth had to come from deep down, so I asked  God where –  had I neglected myself  and why? And I began even to look at my family of origin and notice patterns of  family neglect and I prayed very hard for those patterns to leave my life.

My relationships were central to my worth in my past, and the relationships that didn’t allow me the freedom to live and  choose for myself –taught me I needed to make a few changes.    Those changes  taught me I needed to  change a few things about my relationships in general. and I’d like to share here those lessons learned :

1. Don’t filter a bad relationship  as a rejection of you as an individual.  Don’t view it as a rejection.   You should filter it through the guise of  hearing someone else speak  about the person you were in relationship, and what they saw  in that person that was not healthy. Hopefully, you will be reminded of the truth and  realize that  you are better off believing the truth, rather than the  lies.

2. Don’t force relationships to exist. If they aren’t going well , or end up  abruptly and unexpectedly ending, receive it. Let it go. It may have a lesson of release in it, but you’ll never know what it was, or wasn’t , until you decide to fully release it.

3. Choices come to us  every day. If we don’t let go , we stifle the growth. And sometimes growth needs to happen  through the conduit of surrender. Without our resistance.  And without our influence .

4.  As you release… you will feel awful. Even in the grieving process … Accept. Grief comes as resolve when you are able to fully surrender. If you don’t surrender, you become stagnant  and sometimes you;ll go back if you resist the release.

5. Be angry. Yell, scream release . Then yell… Scream .. & release again. Do this 20 or more times, until you feel less stifled. Even if you must have a silent scream  Silent screams help too. I  recently took a silent scream within, ( I just couldn’t get it out)… and then I walked in the cold air, breathed and took some of the most beautiful pics I’d  ever taken before. Hmmm… (Maybe my silent scream turned into breathable breaths; because I found anther release.)

6. The worth . Oh yeah… The worth came once I moved into acceptance. Because I knew that the decisions I made were in a spirit of integrity; and  I knew  I was in full consideration, of  everyone involved  but me – i had to back track and ask myself – Do you deserve this? And most of my answers were a resounding YES. I completely let go… and  I decided I didn’t want to carry their baggage around with me, any more .

Sometimes complex relationship ships can confuse you into believing that  something is wrong with YOU. If the integrity factor weighs strong and you know you did what you did out of the goodness of your heart ,  and for the  sake of being your best self. then you’re fine. If you experience oppression in your heart, feel weighted, or its way too painful , then you may need to process and heal from the experience ; with  a healthy heart lending an ear and – listening to your struggle.

And one more thing… this is a wonderful time to RECEIVE. To just be around good, fun-lovin’ people, every chance you get. It balances off all the unhealthy stuff.

I’m linking up with the #GiveMEGrace Community!

Wearing My Life Gear

Well, I think I did it. I found a word that should’nt involve  too much struggle right? Conquer . It’s my word for  2016.

You ever been scuba diving? (Well, maybe that isn’t a good example.) but then again, it’s life gear. And sometimes we need “emotional life gear.” I’ve never been scuba diving, but I have been to Six Flags on the ride you know the one that’s takes you all the way to the top, then drops you really fast? Free Fall. That’s the name…

Well, even though you know the ride and know what to expect, you are TOTALLY in, because of the excitement that lies ahead.

That’s me in 2016. I’m all in, even if this word was not the best pick! So… I did my homework …and the  word Conquer is like a  good monster, indeed.

Conquer: means – to gain, win, or obtain by effort.  To subdue.

Uh Oh – I may have mistook its power!

However, this is one that resonates from a year of being fully engaged in a well won battle – of ENDURANCE   and that has  given me a sense of challenge, of excitement and empowerment ALL at the same time!

Life Lesson: Life is conquered by  the bravery we have in saying 
“YES”.

Come on 2016! Bring it On!