What’s Intriguing Right Now… in my life…

What I’m WATCHING…
I’m watching on Netflix “The Fosters”.
It’s a cool drama about foster families and I think I love the ‘kid actors on here And all they face from day to day. The show plays with the dangers of secrecy, and all that comes with it. And I love it.

What I’m READING…
I’ve been reading a few things. The last exciting book I read was Homecoming. Ex-cell-lent! It was long …and you had to stretch your Imagination a bit but it really got me lost in the lives of the people, their experiences and the mystery of family. Before , during and after the Middle Passage.

How I’m MENTORING…
Mentoring has been successful. I’m very glad it’s started. I began Mentoring a group of about ten women in October 2016. I love when women come together to nurture themselves and have a bit of self- introspection and “me-time”. It always helps keep be grounded and uplifts me a bit.ūüėá‚̧ If you’re even the slight bit interested, we participate in discussions online video, in an intimate app, and in person if you live near Jenn. Send an email to: mentormysister@gmail.com for more information. ¬†Also visit mentormysister.wordpress.com . ¬†We will have our website up soon as well!

What I am LISTENING to…
Well my music life is shifting…
I am liking recently everything that even sounds like Todd Dulaney, an amazing gospel artist and musician Johnathan Reynolds. They inspire me immensely through song. And when my soul needs a lifting, that’s where I go.
How I’ve ¬†been FEELING….
I’ve been feeling sort of isolated ¬†near the end of 2016 with my illness. But I’ve had a lot of contemplative talk time with hubby, and ¬†we’ve prayed , dreamed and searched one another’s thoughts together. It’s been real.

What I’ve Been WRITING
I’ve been writing more.
It’s cool because my blogging experience is focused on self development and I write on those topics. I like writing about self-development and self-awareness, although I can see how others may be confused about my ‘self-focus’ cause I post a lot of selfies and talk about myself quiet a bit! Yet join me on this journey. It can be life-shifting!. (ūüėĄ ūüĎäūüĎä) The journey is vast and enlightening. Why not learn from an introspective person who is trying to love herself more, about how she gets there, and what she makes more room for self care, confidence and self-awareness and self-love,in that space.

I’m LOVING…These days…I’m really loving just ” Being”.¬†Possibly on any given day you can learn from me in that way and see I get a lot out of being, so that may not change. But that’s how self-awareness happens in this space of learning and loving yourself. Through Journal-sharing, Self-evaluatiion and Encouragement …we grow..

What I am PLANNING…
So that’s one ¬†(of many areas) of my life where things are “just. not. perfect.” I am a planner at heart. Sometimes it just gets colluded, though. Not sure why…need to think a little more thoroughly about that. But I bought a planner for next year and I’ve decided for the first time I’m going to plan to write read, research and study. And all that is going in my planner. ¬†This year. Yeah. Even the fun stuff I never get to do. Like pictures and scrapbooking. Just because I love memories and reminiscing. Cool. So that’s where do am. Thanks for listening.

Give Me Grace: Saying Goodbye.

I’m just noticing how I feel about saying goodbye… Good relationships are sometimes good even before you really know they are.

This week I had to end two relationships therapeutically with kids I see as a counselor. ¬†I ¬†had a special tug at my heart, with all three of them. It’s funny how ¬†we bond.

One of them, I loved her sense of humor and the small ways she made me laugh.

Another, he was just learning how to be merciful and kind towards others and I’d gotten through. (Yay! He made strides!)

And yet another, he was laughing and having so much fun with me in therapy, it was hard to even tell him  I was leaving. (His reaction surprised me!)

I am not sure what bonds us to another human being, but man..I really love meeting and knowing people the way I do.

God did something real special when he gave me friends, family and clients.

Above, is my sister..one of the greatest relationships I have … She’s pretty darn special in my book! Life without her would be so different and possibly even more difficult!

I haven’t seen my sister since April. A few years ago she came to live in my city. I hadn’t lived with her in the same city for about twenty years! Seeing her leave…. was grief of another kind. It was hard for several months. ¬†Yet she came to fulfill a very hard time and space in my life. So glad she was here when she was. God’s timing was perfect.

I never thought about Gods timing in our relationships;  until she decided to be present in this way.What an entirely complete blessing from the Lord!

Love her.‚̧

So today I ask for grace, God.. grace to be benevolent in all my ways, and appreciate even the small things and the small ways that I bond with the people I work with and whom You intentionally send across my paths. Help me to trust Your perfect plan.

Thank you for  relationships.

Thanks for how they make us smile, feel special, help us feel appreciated and give us warmth, inside.

Thanks for those who love us, even when we feel unlovable.

Selah.

Here’s the appreciation I’ve learned in saying goodbye: it’s just as special as saying hello. (Smile.)

By the way… I’m joining the¬†Give Me Grace Community over at Lisa Epperson’s¬†blog! Join us!

Being Enough & Being Wise.

I was inspired by this series after I participated in a ¬†Celebrate Recovery group and ¬†talking about feeling “helpless”. It was a process for me to discuss in group, because as soon as I ¬†spoke about why I tend to feel worried and procrastinate on some things, I realized that ¬†This vulnerable space I often feel between ¬†not worrying and trusting God ¬†causes me to feel¬†way too vulnerable.
 I Am  Enough Because I Am Wise.

So what does it really mean to be wise?

Does being wise mean… to be humble?

Does it mean we should consult with someone else who has  good advice, can problem-solve, help us manage our lives better or may give good counsel?

Or does it mean simply having good sense In knowing how to respond?

Perhaps.

…Or maybe it means being still enough to take care of our lives ¬†because we care enough about our lives to be safe, discerning and aware.
Perhaps where I am wisest is when I spend time in the presence of friends. I have wise friends. There is a scripture in the bible that says :

“There is safety in a multitude of counselors.‚ÄĚ

Proverbs 11:14

I love that scripture. It has resounded over the years with me. I have realized over time that perhaps the best ¬†acumen, has come from ¬†having “experience” as my ¬†teacher. With all my experiences, I have ¬†gained such rewarding ¬†insight from friends who have “showed up” ¬†in my own¬†personal¬†struggles, when I needed¬†such¬†wisdom, – and ¬†sowed¬†complete love and admonition ¬†for me, ¬†and their wise actions and advice, benefited me greatly. ¬†The intuition ¬†and ¬†inspiration was on an entirely different level and ¬†completely humbling most of the times, because I allowed them to pour into me, and ¬†I trusted them. ¬† As a result, I have ¬†compassion for ¬†them and for others who have experienced similar situations.

 It led me to  write my book, Red Sea Situations.

I have many women “mentors” ¬†that have guided me over the years, and who have also ¬†guided me in counsel, and one of them is my mother. I’ve placed her picture here ¬†of my mom, because Mom has been over the years one person who has supported my dreams more than I have even believed in them.
I remember when my ‘far-fetched’ dream of traveling to South Africa ¬†came as an opportunity. Mom was so concerned about me traveling so far not really knowing the people very well, and being safe. ¬†I was traveling with someone ¬†knew, but had not known them for very long. She was excited for me. And so.. She reminded me if ‘God gave you that opportunity, Jennifer – I will have to trust in His divine plan for¬†your life.” That was so humble of her. To trust God beyond seeing her ‘babygirl’ – at age of 38 years – ¬†going so far. She had to place me in God’s hands. And you know that’s cool¬†because¬†God¬†gave¬†her that¬†strength. she expected it to keep her in wisdom, and so wisdom ¬†came.

Mom over the years has supported me in several endeavors, but most of all she has led me to discern friendships that are also “safe emotionally and spiritually.” ¬†I believe this is a lesson all mothers should teach their children.

I believe one of the most humbling ¬†situations I experienced, was ¬†a friend who helped me when I had no where else to go. She had always told me, because she knew I was going through a hard time no matter when or what time it was, whenever I needed a place to go, I could just stop by. One night i thought I was close to losing it, and i knew if I didn’t get out of the house, ¬†I would . ¬†So indeed, I ¬†went over and it was about ten fifteen pm. When I arrived at her ¬†door, her husband answered, he smiled, and ¬†didn’t say a word. All ¬†he said was: “She’s ¬†is upstairs, go ahead on up.”

Sidenote: (Can I say I just “admire” a ¬†man who allows his ¬†wife’s friend to come over so late in the evening , so she can support her? )

Clearly, I had been crying, and I slipped past him. When I go to the top of the stairs, ¬†I heard her talking to her boys ¬†in a very sacred moment, and she said , “Come on in,¬†Jenn.” She was there with the two of them, they were about three and six years old, and ¬†she was hugging on them in bed. She made space for me, and ¬†welcomed me in me bed with them. We didn’t talk much that night, we just laid there in quiet and peace. Her boys smiling and ¬†she interacting and mothering them, and I quietly watched them enjoy and love on one another. I’ve ¬†never felt so welcomed.

…And to this day, our bond is unbreakable.

Now, this has nothing to do with me, and my wisdom. However, my friend’s wisdom – ¬†in this moment taught me how to be wise. It taught me how when I am at m lowest point to embrace someone in love and just acceptance, is the very best ¬†action of love. To just be present for them, regardless. ¬†That night, we never spoke much, ¬†I didn’t pour my heart out and all my business. ¬†But her presence,¬†just meant the world to me.

For me, wisdom and love, really are not far ¬†apart. In fact, they are like semi- cousins. I ¬†also found out that I don’t have to know all the details, I just need to love on them. ¬†There’s a time and a season for everything, and sometimes knowledge isn’t necessary. She didn’t know, and still doesn’t know what I was experiencing that evening, but what matters is that I ¬†knew she was there, and that she loved me. To me, that’s agape love. The God-kind of love.

From this one action, I have found that I can love people without words, in such an amazing way, and that it involves just seeing that their soul is so worthy of love. This type of ‘friend -awareness’ has allowed me to be the same kind of friend. It’s also give me a greater burden to be a mentor to my sisters in Christ. ¬† And any other women who need advice in any shade, color or form. I am not particular to them ¬†knowng and loving God, first… I just need to know they are open to my might shining in that regard if I have to share an occasional miracle.

On a lighter note,

I am wise because I am clever.

Cleverness is not  a word I use very much n my vocabulary, yet I find very attractive.

My husband is rather clever. It was attractive to me from the first day I met him. And his cleverness tends to rub off on me at times. Cleverness involves, quick wit, charm, and ¬†wise words, and at times a bit of playfulness. Perhaps the playfulness is the most fun. Being clever involves finding ¬†a certain resourcefulness from within. It’s understanding how to use integrity to teach someone by not reacting. It also involves ¬†not ¬†stooping to a level of ¬†personal embarrassment or ¬†ignorance ¬†because someone else does. Not allowing their impulsive demeanor, unkindness and lack of integrity¬†move me with words. I think I learned how to be clever once I ¬†decide din my mind I didn’t care what others thought about me. It was freeing. ¬†I decided that once I had made up my mind, and it made sense and I had ¬†filtered it through my wisest ¬†friends, and they were in agreement, it was well. And no one’s opinions mattered. My clever quick wit would then pounce back on others when they had comments ¬†or opinions about my ¬†actions in which they did not agree. I admire folk who can take judgment and ¬†crush it as soon as someone swings it at them, and ¬†keeps on ¬†walking without shame or resentment because they are confident they are in a good place.

I am wise because I am contemplative.
Contemplation is one of my favorite things to do. As an introvert, I tend to find myself when I contemplate. Whether it involves speaking to myself, my heart, and pondering the actions of my day I find rest in re-evaulation. If I don’t do re-evaluate, I become restless.
What is in this restless space? Unawareness? A lack of purpose? Dis-alignment? Is that why when I am not looking within, I falter?
I get nervous, my anxiety peaks, or I have a loss for words? I prefer contemplation in order to help me rest. I may not have even realized the extent to which I depend upon what I call : ‚Äúfinding center‚ÄĚ Laraine Herring in the book: “Writing Begins With Breath: Embodying your Authentic Voice‚ÄĚ, says after the basic needs of food air, water and shelter are met, most of our actions and behaviors stem from a need for love, compassion, understanding and emotional safety.‚ÄĚ I find that interesting, because that means if this is true, most of what I seek, when I look within, is about finding self-love.

(Read about  my  self love and being enough in another story, here.)

I must say however; some of the most unwise persons have hurt me. have been unreasonable, ¬†inattentive ungraceful and ¬†ill-mannered people I know, because they lacked compassion. ¬† Indeed, perhaps this scripture measures up when wisdom is most attractive: “Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other.” (Psalm 85:10)

If you enjoyed reading this ¬†excerpt, please take the time to ¬†read the series:¬†Completely Validated: A Compilation of ¬†Meditations & Readings on ‘Being Enough.‘ ,¬†which will soon be an audio course and workbook series online .

Interested in learning more about being enough and reading more about it?

Contact me below for more info on the I Am Enough audio Kamau Care Meditative Series!

For a small price of $15.00, you can have the ebook series audio format where you can download and listen as you go!

Relief. In The Woods.

I ¬† went to the woods the other day and I think I found my word for next year. It was so freeing. I woke up in a very odd mood, one that wasn’t welcomed. But then, my girl called and she asked did ¬†wan to walk. Because my leg was hurting, I could have easily said no. And that leg… it really ¬† was getting on my nerves because this ¬† summer would have been so much better without the injury!

Going to the woods releases something in me i  have never felt before. Empowerment.

WHERE DO YOU FIND YOUR RELEASE?

100 Meaningful Moments

I  found myself hash-tagging beautiful moments of gratefulness  the other day on Instagram and a bit on Facebook; and decided to share a few here, as well. Follow me at @iamjennrene on Instagram, and http://www.facebook.com/redseacourage

Meaningful Moment  #1 Dusk.

So dusk is a wonderful moment as a day ends that’s often more noticeable in the winter. It’s also most beautiful in the winter. You can see the beauty, because it’s so there, so present. So meaningful because you would miss it if you blink. I enjoy dusk mostly because I anticipate what’s ¬†next: my special time with hubby as we wind down in the evening, we eat, we rest together watch a movie, and talk about the highlights of our ¬†day.¬†#100meaningfulmoments


Meaningful Moment #2 Dawn:

Dawn is like Dusk, but not really. They are the same because the light bounces of the buildings in hues and everything is sacred for a few good moments; but after dawn settles, life gets busy. After dusk settles they stay rather quiet and serene. I guess it just depends where you are; and then it as ¬†you retires, it subsides . Dawn rises and rejuvenates, and dusk allows you to quietly settle in for the night. I have to admit, I enjoy nob thong them in the winter, because they are more noticeable . There’s no trees or dogs or ¬†not even many cars in the way, at all.

Continue reading “100 Meaningful Moments”