Day 4. Weathered. #50daysToFifty

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

 

 

I looked up  the word  ” Weathered “ in sheer anticipation, hoping I could find some  jewel of a word  that described this  journey towards  fifty.  To tell t he truth, I didn’t f find  anything   amazingly   intriguing… but then,  some may beg to differ.

I was    encouraged by this word: ”   countenance”.  Surprised?

Maybe.  I  thought  what  do I mean when I  say    a  weathered  ability about myself  exists  just  from becoming and  taking part in this  thing called life?  I suppose it would have something to do with my   ability to “be” –  come.

Your  countenance has everything to  do with you attitude,  your  bearings  and how you  wrap yourself around  a  situation or  thought life;   it has to  do with your character   your  condition, and your  demeanor.

I tell you… I am  not  pressed  about by  every whim and worry  no more.  I appreciate the  little things in life, and  the little people.  I  don’t  get all ‘tied up’ by things because I have  learned they just  tend to  work themselves out.    If we  seek peace, and we  pursue it.   If we determine in our  hearts it  will work out,  ‘a  worked out ‘   solution – will eventually find us. 

I love the  word  countenance,  because it is  wrapped around this word “weathered.”  It helps me see that   if I endure, and  if I withstand even  the most   challenging  things in life –  even as a  tree   weathers a  storm,  then  I  too, will have the marks to  show my resistance to the storms in life that  caused me   to  doubt my   ability to  withstand.   I love the words resistance, as well.

For one,  as a therapist, we  tend to  see it as a  challenge when   a client represents  with resistance.   And I  thoroughly live  trying to  break  through it .. sometimes…   although often it  can be a pain.

Just like anything else in life.   That requires   breakthrough.

Several of  us don’t  believe  in breakthrough.   We  don’t  believe in ever  trying because   we  think we already know what  shall happen.  However,  I have been so, so  surprised.

I remember one  time in my life,  I was  really, really depressed.   And I  found out through   surrendering,  life  became so much easier.  I wanted to give  up,  every single  day I woke up for about  a year.   And I  wasn’t  really sure  what ” give up” meant, but …    I had a notion.   so,, you know you get in that place, where you wonder in life.. “How  did I get here?!!”   (  You think… Heck,  it  stinks.) And it did.

But then I  just let my soul  cry out , and feel the pain of being there.   I  knew if  I was here, and  if my life had purpose, then  this was a part of  the process.   But I also knew I had to come out of it.  I had to  ‘weather’ this.   Yet I determined I would not do this alone. And if there was help,   I asked God to send it.

And he  did.

Like… immediately.

 

And I tell you, I was shocked out of my mind.   That  there was  even  help like he sent it.

It  increased my hope.   And  my  experience with God proved  that  if there was anything ever in life  to   receive  breakthrough, with —  God was  the ‘One’ to bring the break through.   changed my  whole demeanor, my  expression and attitude towards life , changed my outlook, my  disposition and  my   grace in living , in this life.   I  even had one  person  tell me I had  such “poise”  in how  I   approached life.

I thought: “Wow …if they only knew me  and where I was in this   dark hole,  like  ten years ago…”  Yeah,   I have been weathered.

And happily so…  it  didn’t feel  very good at the time, and I  felt like  I was   quite the unstable one… yet I had a  such a peace in the outcome.  And that’s  because I  cried out.

Surrendered.

Yes, my countenance changed.

  After all  that  weathering.

Hmmmm……

 

 

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