Self-Determination

 

prayer-of-gratitude-for-gods-blessings

I’m self determined. Yeah, that didn’t come easy though. It took a few great leaps of faith. It was the spring of 2005, and I was in  rat race for time. I was determined to move onward my life, and relocate to Maryland. I was almost done with my divorce and I needed to breathe. And my breathing became very very labored, as I was  preparing to leave Syracuse, N.Y.

Self determination began for me, with a HUGE commitment to myself that I would never again get in a relationship that was going nowhere . No promises, no commitments, no effort. And that was  the first self -commitment . I held onto that, until later that October of 2005, until later tat year, God messed up my plans .

The second was that I needed a new  start. A new job and a better and more intriguing place to live . I had friends in Md. And surely with the money I’d saved, I could truly begin anew.

I remember it clearly.

I wrote down my dreams . Where I wanted to go… and  I ” built a spiritual  altar” – so to speak… I placed it right above my head,  so it was the first thing I saw when I awakened,  my my lofty bedroom ,  then,  I began to thank (God) and I worshiped. I began to affirm highly with thanksgivings into God where I was going to go.

With the  cultural  holiday, Kwaanza , they call it “Kuji-cha-gulia”. After what was entirely messy year, I ended up taking on three part time jobs  ( at the same time)  to  survive, and losing my apartment.  I  ended up however,  finding one cheaper than I’d ever imagined at the last moment  in Maryland, and I didn’t even have to move back to NY. In fact, I met the love of my life that October, I got a new and well paid full time job that paid  very well,  and six months later I relocated to Texas with an even better paying job. But not before my money bottomed out, I quit the $7 dollar an hour job , lost my friends; and failed  the test I thought would help me find a better paying job. I was all alone, at one point but I was okay with that. I had been alone with God before.

But I learned something about myself and …God. That you have to believe in your dreams. And just when it appears those dreams won’t manifest ,

The Life Lesson:

God comes through because He’s so pleased you believed in Him and in your ability to pull through.

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