It’s 4am on Monday morning. All week, I wondered what I’d blog about. Ideas came and went, but I knew the whole time I wanted to tell you about tonight. Trouble is, I had to wait until tonight to know what to say. I’m not going to talk. I’ll let the walls speak for themselves. Watch this video. I […]
I have a confession to make: I am a writer, and I haven’t felt like writing much in the last three months or so.
I also find that I am not very consistent.
There are times when my head and thoughts are so jumbled, I can’t even think straight.
I have a fear of passing a test that I know will.make me successful.
I fear successful opportunities.
This is what’s here, right now.
I know it makes sense not to even dwell on these kinds of things, but I do.
I guess that makes me imperfect.
Am I ok with that? No, I’m not.
Sometimes I wish I didnt have a call towards things that are so freaken hard to do. ( That’s another confession.)
It demands my attention and the all is like babies that scream all the time… You don’t find them great company.
On the other hand , I love people and I love motivating them.
I also love the adrenalin rush I get from a good read of something I wrote.
I love seeing my work in print and hearing others say: “This is just what I needed today, thank you.”
I also love working on teams. Teams of people with like once and like purpose.
People who were once where I was; but. Ow I can not get them to” be more, do more see more..”
So… even though I get overwhelmed , stagnant and discouraged, somefimes, I still tend to seek out the good. I maintain that I will keep going.
I took this picture below because I went a step further.
I opened my eyes, was sleepy as all get out, saw those rays out my window, and (decided as tired as I was), I was gonna watch this sunrise. and better yet capture it.
Because it made me happy to catch sunrises.￼
I decided then, that I would “press in” often and continually make me happy, despite myself.
Because “stepping up” makes things epic as all get out, you know what I mean?
So why stop reaching for the stars?
Eventually I’ll catch one.
As big enough as the sunrise I’m chasing.
Thanks for listening to my imperfect rants.
The Most BEAUTIFUL Day of the Year.
The most beautiful day of the year happened a few weeks ago. Not to say it won’t happen again, because I’ve had some beautiful days. I love to awaken early and capture how God speaks through the clouds.
And this particular morning, God just knocked my socks off with this sight, but also the revelation that came with it. I believe it came to me as wisdom about what to release and let go of. I had been holding onto a simple and yet very realistic thought for so long it prevented miracles from occurring.
I still believe in miracles. And I was hoping for a pretty big one.
The older I become, there’s something so beautiful I find in the God in me. I find myself in moments like these…those moments when I breathe in deeply, and recognize my worth.
Where significance matters deeply. and choice becomes primary. He packages and presents to me, my destiny.
It’s here, where God speaks through nature. And expresses that He has plans for me. Great plans. And He just encourages me to “Press on, Daughter…” This place where I feel guided by my Father.
But I only find him in serene moments like this… Where He is….
This Moment was beautiful yes, for the sight…
But also the Insight.
The value. The exchange. The love. The rest.
My recent exchange with Him has been rather, holy. He continues to show me how important I really am. And I am grateful.
I mean, I love the thought of being so close to God I feel as if I know my peace and I can fully live in it. And my hope and my trust shifts to an entirely different level.
The most beautiful day of the year… happened here..
Once again, im linking up with Lisa Epperson’s Give Me Grace Community. (Click the picture for a connection.)
I just realized my brother had a very special video if my father and I on his blog… So I wanted to share.
This is an excerpt of Jennifer Owens, (Reginald’s sister) sharing with her father, Leroy Cox at a Family Day in Rochester NY. She is dressed in African garb, because she had just come back from S. Africa and was sharing thoughts on her journey there. We are sharing this excerpt because as a father, it’s important we recognize the power of making amends. There are many things in life we can never go back and change. We need to forgive ourselves, forgive others, learn to trust again and move beyond our fears.
Here’s my sister’s testimony of how her father’s love helped heal her:
I keep changing my blog title.
It involves several different versions of releasing… and becoming…. I have found. It started with : “Life of JennRene…” – I mean, who cares about that, right.. maybe a few I guess… (Ha!) Then I politely changed it to: “Getting Back To Happy: Acquiescing to A Grace-Filled Life.” Then it changed again to “The Blessedness of Being…” And yet now: “Pursuing Me: Seeking The Blessedness of Being.”
I think perhaps it’s because I simply keep going places where I didn’t expect to be. I turn a corner and it seems like the hardest corner to get around… and then I turn another corner and I wind up looking back and seeing so much GROWTH. For instance, recently I just shifted from a full time job to part time. And then a little more… I have a few groups I am doing during the week, but I am choosing to do those groups!
I am so happy about this, place in my life with my career, because :1) I have ‘earned it. And… 2) I have choice. I have had this notion from long ago, that I was going to “get back what was taken from me.” And choice – was taken from my ancestors via slavery ages ago. I have always contemplated upon that CHANGE and THAT CHOICE – and I have wondered ” who” and “where” I would be today had I not been taken from my original place of being: Africa.
It’s just something about that place that felt so natural to me I mean… I LOVED that. I loved that a place where I’d never , ever been before could arrest my soul like that. And receive me so well! Amazing how God does that…bring us back to a place where He shows us who we ‘originally’ were…to bring us to a more confident sense of self.Maybe you haven’t returned to your roots, or even gotten there yet… but know that God is able.
So yeah.. many things going through my mind and thinking I have come to a place I have sought long and hard for… a place of having a better choice. And being able to OWN CHOICE again, in my life. But only by God’s amazing grace. Yes, Lord.
By the way… I’m joining the Give Me Grace Community over at Lisa Epperson’s blog!
I’m just noticing how I feel about saying goodbye… Good relationships are sometimes good even before you really know they are.
This week I had to end two relationships therapeutically with kids I see as a counselor. I had a special tug at my heart, with all three of them. It’s funny how we bond.
One of them, I loved her sense of humor and the small ways she made me laugh.
Another, he was just learning how to be merciful and kind towards others and I’d gotten through. (Yay! He made strides!)
And yet another, he was laughing and having so much fun with me in therapy, it was hard to even tell him I was leaving. (His reaction surprised me!)
I am not sure what bonds us to another human being, but man..I really love meeting and knowing people the way I do.
God did something real special when he gave me friends, family and clients.
Above, is my sister..one of the greatest relationships I have … She’s pretty darn special in my book! Life without her would be so different and possibly even more difficult!
I haven’t seen my sister since April. A few years ago she came to live in my city. I hadn’t lived with her in the same city for about twenty years! Seeing her leave…. was grief of another kind. It was hard for several months. Yet she came to fulfill a very hard time and space in my life. So glad she was here when she was. God’s timing was perfect.
I never thought about Gods timing in our relationships; until she decided to be present in this way.What an entirely complete blessing from the Lord!
So today I ask for grace, God.. grace to be benevolent in all my ways, and appreciate even the small things and the small ways that I bond with the people I work with and whom You intentionally send across my paths. Help me to trust Your perfect plan.
Thank you for relationships.
Thanks for how they make us smile, feel special, help us feel appreciated and give us warmth, inside.
Thanks for those who love us, even when we feel unlovable.
Here’s the appreciation I’ve learned in saying goodbye: it’s just as special as saying hello. (Smile.)
By the way… I’m joining the Give Me Grace Community over at Lisa Epperson’s blog! Join us!
I’ve taken to micro-blogging bfor the sake of a lack of time, and what you see here is the beginning of my offering to you as to how I partake of my personal rest. Self care used to be hard for me. I have a very busy job and some days I get going and don’t settle at all til the evenings…rather late… Yet this picture here helps me find that and remember it. I try my best to make Sundays a Sabbath. The last few Sundays I have been pretty good with this goal. I’ve been successful in finding rest. Some try to often make us feel guilty for resting, but no..not I. Sabbath is a place of resolve. And if I cannot find it at all…in any given day, then something’s wrong. I don’t care who tries to make me feel guilty, I won’t accept it. Even my husband . (Well.. yeah….)
Want to test with me on Sundays?My noted change has been: NO pre Monday morning dreading work because I feel rested and ready for the day Mon. Am. Check out my links I post, or my blog posts.. you’ll find rest….😄 Please read this blog by Shelly Miller it’s on time for learning about how to rest. http://redemptionsbeauty.com/sabbath-society/ .
Keri Wyatt Kent is one of my favorite authors of books called: “rest.” Her blog is here:
http://www.keriwyattkent com is another good Sabbath blog.
Why not join me and rest?
Share every Sunday how you take time to relax in the weekend.
Thanks for reading. And sharing!
I decided to write a new series. I was in a Celebrate Recovery group and talking about feeling “helpless”. It was a process for me to discuss in group, because as soon as I spoke about why I tend to feel worried and procrastinate on some things, I realized that This vulnerable space I often feel between not worrying and trusting God causes me to feel way too vulnerable.
I Am Enough Because I Am Aware.
- What is right, or isn’t right… in my relationships?
- What is right, or isn’t right for me in regard to my emotions?
- What is right or isn’t right, for me in terms of how I operate in this world?
- Who am I influencing and am I A RESOURCE for/to someone else?
- 5. Am i taking a god, honest look and reflection of how I present myself in this world?
- My Mentors:
- My Family Members:
- My Friends:
- My (Adult) Teachers:
- My (Adult)Leaders:
When I am UNAWARE, I am Negative.
Sometimes in life we tend to get lost in the sauce.. we miss the whole point about why we were given “the breath of life” and why we have it, and how important it is to BREATHE…deeply.
Prime example: Today, I went to a seminar today on bonding and attachment and found myself taking in all the benefits of breathing deeply. I entered the relaxation and self care session feeling absolutely tired, praying for God to redeem me from the last three hours of the day… and complaining that I hardly had energy left.
Within a few moments… maybe three – (of a really neat deep breathing exercise… ) Oh how energized I was! I couldn’t believe a simple exercise of breathing in and out helped clam me so! Another exercise pointed out how by just being connected and bonded to another human being by a simple touch- sitting back to back or having their hand on my shoulders..simply being connected – caused me to leave the session revived in my spirit.
Taking time to breathe connects us to ourselves and to others. It helps us to notice what we don’t normally notice… it helps us to be encouraged find release, and be re-energized. Forgetting to breathe deeply can cause us to experience less calm, insecurity, less energy, less peace, less warmth. Why rob yourself of the deepest experiences life gives? Of Connection…(Both to yourself, and unto others?
So, have you ever wondered: Why did God give you breath? Perhaps God gave us breath to help us breathe life into someone else. Are you wasting the breath God gave you,… or are you renewing it?There’s a singer Fred Hammond has a song that asks :‘Breathe Unto Me’ – so that His soul can be made right and his spirit whole. If everyone only knew what God’s breathe within them does to bring them life.. they might take time to do it more often. After the exercises today and a few deep breaths in noticing how my life rhythm was impacted and had been interrupted, I realized I needed to do better work at caring for myself. I realized I had not been tending to and asking for my language of love – TOUCH to be nurtured.
(Contrary to one’s thought life…)
It doesn’t have to be another person you love who meets that need nor does it have to be sex. It can be a back massage, a pedicure, a hand massage.) But touch is only one language of love: Acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time.. are a few more…How are you getting your Languages of Love met? Are they being ignored? Replaced with pretentiousness? Neglected?
I ignored those needs for almost ten years of my life and refused to be calmed or comforted to the point I wasn’t even aware was my language of love! I almost died inside. Don’t let this happen to you. If you are living in isolation, are lonely or neglecting your need to breathe experience touch – then you are not getting the fullness you need out of life to be soothed, bonded and comforted in love.
Make sure you find someone to help breathe LIFE into your life – or find an activity that makes you smile, energized, makes you feel more special than you ever have. If you aren’t attracting these kind of people into your life, ask God to send them. He will. He wants the breath of life IN YOU to be REVIVED. He wants someone to bring HIS LIFE to life in you. God gave you the power to breathe… USE IT to bless someone else’s life, USE it to bless YOUR life. To honor someone in the SPACE of your being and doing. But DO stop, today and just notice: are you breathing deeply?
Just let God be God. Breathe, Feel. Trust. Be lifted.
Recognize and deeply take in the power to notice God’s calm and rhythm within .